I had a BLAST this past Saturday.   Mardi Gras at the bar where my child bartends.  It is 2 days later and I am still dragging ass.   I slept all but 5 hours yesterday.  nice.....it has been years since I was able to sleep that much.  I cannot wait to get home tonight to sleep some more.  She will be managing another place on the south side.   That is a far drive for me.......I might look to buy something there....that would be nice.

Well....

I forgot what I was going to write...OH...yeah...

Who the hell are you to tell me how to spend MY money?  If I want to buy a fricking angel for my yard from the fricking dollar store...or even a million of them....I CAN...I EARNED MY MONEY.....Damn.....GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!

Just sitting here at work, and that damn day when she started criticizing my yard decor....popped into my head.....wtf.....

I love my house.....

 Not even kidding.

Do you really have to eat that?  We will be eating in a little over 4 hours.

You could really stand to loose some weight.

Here is a diet that should work for you.

Try this diet, I lost 5 lbs.

your make up makes you look like a hooker.

no, you just look like a hooker.

Do you have to be so loud?

your voice carries for MILES....

Shhhh...the neighbors might hear.

If you cant say anything nice, dont say it at all

But its your brother.

We cant spend money for clothes for you, we have to get them for Marc.  He has such expensive tastes.

I wish you were never born

We didnt even have a girls name picked out.  We wanted a boy.

I swore at your father for getting me pregnant with you.

We didnt know what to do with 4 kids.  We were only children

you were HORRIBLE HORRIBLE children, all four of you...and look how you turned out.

you never listen

you dress like a hooker.

you dont parent your children right--make sure their clothes are perfect.  Said the first time the 3 year old tries to dress herself.

you dont do anything right.

And she asks me if there is anything that she says over and over that I hate like her mother did to her.   Sigh...and i told her no....

And dont forget the dont sleep late, you will throw off your sleep pattern and be up all night.


Oh yes...whatever you do, just stand in the door while dad was banging my head on the floor by my hair---while sitting on my chest, strattling me with his knees on my arms to keep me from getting away.

Well-- that was just how things were done back then.

You had to watch your siblings starting when you were 11 because we needed to both have jobs and go to school at night to feed you.

We never left you alone, with Dawn in charge........but we cannot explain where we were when Marc cracked his skull open, Kevin broke his collar bone, and Lisa fell on the radiator and cracked HER skull open...leaving a child without a car or any way of getting help in charge.

Do you know how much this will cost us?  1st thing said to Kevin while he is laying on a hospital gurney waiting for xrays for the broken collar bone.

Holy Cow....

Well...now...I CANNOT believe it has been a whole year.

I feel a little better.  I think my emotional turmoil has manifested itself in physical ailments.  But we all keep trucking along.

My youngest child moved out Dec 2011.  Good thing....now I am alone with my thoughts (which could be a bad thing), but I like myself more and more, and that can only be a good thing.  I dont like myself when I feel mad and angry at someone else for not being perfect.  But now tell me, what boy will ever be perfect for my daughters, either of them.

But they seem to be doing well for themselves...which I take full credit for...lol.  Partial credit anyway.  The fact that they are doing so well makes me happy.   I still see everyone, but I dont have to make full 3 course meals every night, smell the boy, see him sitting in my furniture, downloading viruses....the usual.  It is refreshing to go home, lock the door, and not have to worry about it after I go to bed.  Because I know it is done.

I can eat as little or as much as I want.   I can do dishes or laundry if I want, or not, because there are not other people trying to do their stuff....I hear i am supposed to be feeling very sad and alone.  Am I a bad person for not feeling these things?  I am the only one in the house...I wonder if that is why I am not experiencing empty nest syndrome.   Leave it to me though...to have everything wrong with me that can happen....especially if I hear that it should happen.   No, not really.  When I heal emotionally and physically I will venture out...and maybe open my heart again.   BIG maybe.  I might just do what guys do, one night stands....

I am trying to be more positive, like I am positive that everyone else is a moron.  I am positive that even though you have a PhD--you more than likely are an idiot when it comes to anything that happens outside a classroom or office.   BUT you have the gall to look down upon me....and whatever you do, dont admit that you could fail at something.  Sigh.....or admit that someone that does not have a PhD might be better at something than you.   sad for you. That goes for old people too.   So I would rather be alone than be surrounded by so many judgmental people.  I work with them all.   How many times a day can someone put you down before you feel bad about yourself?   Maybe I should sue for abuse.  Can you sue your job for emotional abuse???

I am tired though...and trying to turn things around.

The Sack Lunch--Emailed from a Friend

I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. 'I'm glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap,' I thought. 

Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation. 

'Where are you headed?' I asked the soldier seated nearest to me. 
'Petawawa. We'll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we're being deployed to Afghanistan 

After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached the east, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time... 

As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. 'No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn't be worth five bucks. I'll wait till we get to base.' 
His friend agreed. 

I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. 'Take a lunch to all those soldiers.' She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me. 'My son was a soldier in Iraq ; it's almost like you are doing it for him.' 

Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated. She stopped at my seat and asked, 'Which do you like best - beef or chicken?' 
'Chicken,' I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class. 
'This is your thanks..' 

After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. 
A man stopped me. 'I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this.' He handed me twenty-five dollars. 

Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked, I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand and said, 'I want to shake your hand.' Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a booming voice he said, 'I was a soldier and I was a military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot.' I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers. 

Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm. 

When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars! 

Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base. 
I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars. 'It will take you some time to reach the base.. It will be about time for a sandwich. 
God Bless You.' 

Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers. 

As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little... 

A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America ' for an amount of 'up to and including my life.' 

That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.' 

May God give you the strength and courage to pass this along to everyone on your email buddy list.... 
I JUST DID 
Let us pray... 
Prayer chain for our Military... Don't break it! 

Please send this on after a short prayer.. Prayer for our soldiers Don't break it! 
Prayer: 

'Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen.' 

Prayer Request: When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our troops around the world. 

There is nothing attached. Just send this to people in your address book. Do not let it stop with you. Of all the gifts you could give a Marine, Soldier, Sailor, Airman, & others deployed in harm's way, prayer is the very best one.

First one

Man, have we been through some crap.  And I mean crap, just crap.  Could be worse, no one is sick. We have a warm place to live, food to eat, and clothes on our back.

Just some crap.  For example...abusive men, basement flooded twice in a year.  Only owned the house for 1.5 years.  Cannot sue anyone, because it was a foreclosure.  I am supposedly lucky because the foundation did not cave in......lucky...we lost everything important to our Christmases.  Mostly one daughters stuff.  And the other's was untouched---you know what that does to a child?  How do you explain that flood waters chose her stuff to destroy, over her sisters.

I need a new definition of lucky.  I am lucky I have insurance....well, no....I am smart to have the insurance that covers any water in the basement.  And I pay for it.  How is that Lucky???  I am lucky no one is sick--no...I pay attention to my children (even though they dont think so) and get them medical care when they need it.  Lucky??  hmmm, no.

I try to have a positive outlook, really, I do.  I do not want to be crabby all the time,  but there are SO many stupid people out there, and posers...GOD I am surrounded by posers.  I get so tired.

Oh crap....there is the sound of helicopters.  That ALWAYS means that something has happened.