Holy Cow....

Well...now...I CANNOT believe it has been a whole year.

I feel a little better.  I think my emotional turmoil has manifested itself in physical ailments.  But we all keep trucking along.

My youngest child moved out Dec 2011.  Good thing....now I am alone with my thoughts (which could be a bad thing), but I like myself more and more, and that can only be a good thing.  I dont like myself when I feel mad and angry at someone else for not being perfect.  But now tell me, what boy will ever be perfect for my daughters, either of them.

But they seem to be doing well for themselves...which I take full credit for...lol.  Partial credit anyway.  The fact that they are doing so well makes me happy.   I still see everyone, but I dont have to make full 3 course meals every night, smell the boy, see him sitting in my furniture, downloading viruses....the usual.  It is refreshing to go home, lock the door, and not have to worry about it after I go to bed.  Because I know it is done.

I can eat as little or as much as I want.   I can do dishes or laundry if I want, or not, because there are not other people trying to do their stuff....I hear i am supposed to be feeling very sad and alone.  Am I a bad person for not feeling these things?  I am the only one in the house...I wonder if that is why I am not experiencing empty nest syndrome.   Leave it to me though...to have everything wrong with me that can happen....especially if I hear that it should happen.   No, not really.  When I heal emotionally and physically I will venture out...and maybe open my heart again.   BIG maybe.  I might just do what guys do, one night stands....

I am trying to be more positive, like I am positive that everyone else is a moron.  I am positive that even though you have a PhD--you more than likely are an idiot when it comes to anything that happens outside a classroom or office.   BUT you have the gall to look down upon me....and whatever you do, dont admit that you could fail at something.  Sigh.....or admit that someone that does not have a PhD might be better at something than you.   sad for you. That goes for old people too.   So I would rather be alone than be surrounded by so many judgmental people.  I work with them all.   How many times a day can someone put you down before you feel bad about yourself?   Maybe I should sue for abuse.  Can you sue your job for emotional abuse???

I am tired though...and trying to turn things around.